Just reminding myself

This isn't who I am.
It's only temporary.
I am still me.
In here.
Somewhere.

Valentines?

I am SO not looking forward to valentines day.
Dreading it actually.
Valentines day means that I, as a wife,
am contractually obligated to have sex.
And I don't want to.

I feel bad.

I should want to.

But I don't.

And that makes me feel guilty.
And that makes it worse.
My poor husband.

Thanks, visiting teachers

The last day of January, after having been sick for a month,
dealing with a colicky newborn
and just general crappiness
my VT sent me an email telling me her thoughts of self-reliance.
I'm sure she was trying to be nice or something
but the cynical part of me took it as a subtle hint
that that was all the help I was going to get.

I shouldn't blame her.
I'm a lousy visiting teacher.

Sick sick sick

We've been really sick around here
REALLY SICK
for a month now
which has gotten old.

And totally blew my budget,
so yes, we are having noodles for dinner
AGAIN
good thing my two year old LOVES noodles.
I think we should give MR NOODLE credit for that one

One night I told my husband that I might need him to take a sick day and stay home
because I was near death.
He said, "I'd rather save the sick days for when I get sick."

Thanks.
Thanks a lot.

The scoutmaster

Wednesdays he's home long enough to wave then run out the door.
Sometimes I think it would be easier for him to not come home at all
then the kids won't cry when he leaves.
But then I guess that would drive me crazy too.
Weekend campouts once a month.
And lets not get started on how angry it makes me that
HALF of his vacation days for the ENTIRE YEAR
--and there is only 10, mind you--
are used for scout camp.

Please don't lecture me about supporting
or how I will get blessings for sacrifice.
I've heard it.

La la la la, La la la la Elmo's world

Am I a bad mom because all I really want to do is let my 2 year watch Elmo all day?
It makes him happy.
I can only deal with one crying child.

No, I might not be a bad mom.
But it feels like it.

25 reasons to feel guilty

Here is a slap in the face.
Don't look up postpartum depression online if you think you have it.
Because reading things like this only make it worse.
Behavioral problems, delays in cognitive development, social problems?
Whatever.


Speaking of worse.
We had a speaker come to speak (yes, I did just say that)
to the women at church.
The topic?
The top 25 mistakes parents are making.
25.
REALLY?
25
I'm not sure I could handle the top 3.

As if I wasn't feeling guilty/lousy enough.

Whatever.

I didn't go.

I hate night time

I married a great guy.
Really great.
Let's just make that clear, from the start.
I mean, REALLY great.

That being said...
he works a lot.
I know, I know. I should be grateful he has a job.
Blah blah blah.
I am.
But let's be honest.

Actually I hate it.
Because he works12 hour days,
comes home for dinner,
spends an hour with us--dinner included,
puts child #1 to bed,
then goes back to work.
Leaving me to deal with child #2.

You know, child #2.
Who cries until 2 am.
LONG past when my husband went to bed.
Because he "Has to function in society."
I hate when he says that.
It makes me want to puke.

I hate night time.

Loss of pleasure?

I don't get excited about things I normally would.
I don't even care that Biggest Loser is on.
I didn't even stay to see who got kicked off.
If you know me, you know that is WEIRD.
I must be a real mess.

Pilot Post

It seems I have come down with a case of PPD.
Don't get me wrong, I love my baby.
Just not when it's dark outside.
That is when she cries.
A LOT.
But oh, she is a sweet sweet baby.
I love her.